how are hairy legs an impediment to have sex
what kind of sex are u having that requires 100% shaved legs friend
Foreplay is actually more challenging… kissing your way up a hairy thigh feels weird for both of you. @spacestepmom may be having very unstupendous uninteresting sex
if hair on legs kills ur weak ass foreplay game u were probs never good at it to begin with lmfao
I mean… so… let’s run with the heteronormative and misogynistic scenario for a second put forward by Tumblr user kindlyleavethestage.
Women can’t kiss their way up men’s legs during foreplay, then? It feels weird for you both?
Because it really. Really doesn’t. Like.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Can’t kiss a hairy thigh! God, perish the thought! My god, you know humans are covered in tiny hair, right? The horror! My upper arms! My lower arms! My back! My HEAD!!!!!! Sex is over forever.
“Fucking white people”
“There are seconds, they come only five or six at a time, and you suddenly feel the presence of eternal harmony, fully achieved. It is nothing earthly; not that it’s heavenly, but man cannot endure it in his earthly state. One must change physically or die. The feeling is clear and indisputable. As if you suddenly sense the whole of nature and suddenly say: yes, this is true…This … this is not tenderheartedness, but simply joy. You don’t forgive anything, because there is no longer anything to forgive. You don’t really love — oh, what is here is higher than love! What’s most frightening is that it’s so terribly clear, and there’s such joy. If it were longer than five seconds — the soul couldn’t endure it and would vanish. In those five seconds I live my life through, and for them I would give my whole life, because it’s worth it…”
Phil is a journalist at a newspaper who is tasked with covering the weddings column when the usual weddings writer (lets say Maria Hill, for argument’s sake, but could be anyone you like) is off (getting married and having an elaborate honeymoon for six weeks).
Phil’s pretty confident he can find something to fill those column inches, though he’s not a huge fan of weddings, and he isn’t even dating anyone let alone engaged!
He can’t exactly write about being single and indifferent to weddings for six weeks, so his editor (Nick Fury, obvs) comes up with a great idea! Phil should go to the same wedding fairs and planning events that Hill would normally attend, but to check out the gay marriage side of it all, and take someone along with him to make it seem slightly less strange that he’s on his own.
Clint (who works at the paper in some capacity) is roped in to help. Either because Fury just grabbed the closest gay guy he could find or because they specifically need a photographer/journo/intern/proofreader to accompany Phil.
Of course everyone at the wedding events assumes they’re together, and they quickly get tired of explaining themselves to people they’re never going to meet again and just go with it. Clint loves the events because FREE CAKE?! HELLO! and he chips away at Phil’s resolve to be a grump about all these frivolous things that cost WAY too much money.
They go to so many of these things that Phil ends up with a big wedding planners folder full of fabric swatches and table seating plans… for a wedding he isn’t even gonna have! But it’s a helpful tool to use with vendors so he doesn’t seem completely clueless in front of them.
Clint and Phil get to know each other over the course of all this, and sometimes hold hands because it would be stranger not to do so, wouldn’t it? Sometimes they improvise hissyfit arguments just to see how the vendors respond, and then! During one particular making up session, they actually kiss!! In a crowded exhibition hall full of brides-to-be!
And then other stuff happens IDK. I guess they’re kind of undercover to review vendors for how well they deal with gay customers?
Anyway in the time that Hill is away, Phil’s column gets followed by more and more people. Everyone loves how he’s taken this slightly skewed look at weddings, and seems completely oblivious to how smitten he is with his intrepid companion.
His final column before Maria returns has him explaining that he’s still not completely sold on weddings… but he’s coming around to the idea of marriage… or at least dating… And if his intrepid companion happens to be reading, maybe he’d like to see how that works out as well?
OH WAIT if Clint is also a journalist at the paper, maybe he’d be writing his own perspective on all of this, but on the sports page or something super un-weddingy like that, and so readers would gleefully read each of their reports to see if they talk about each other (which they do constantly) and then at the end when Phil asks Clint out via the wedding column, Clint says yes via his! :’3